I recently had a conversation, well really an email back and forth with a dear friend of mine. As part of our wonderful relationship we have the freedom to disclose all that we bear on our chests and just say it like it is. So, she shared what has been a difficult winter to manage; between her own hectic life and the effects of relationships that have gone sour.
In it she described how she struggles to maintain the goals she set forth for herself earlier in the year and conveyed a sense of upset. This led me to consider how we all may find ourselves in a bit of a slump and how we can help ourselves beyond this point.
For some of us the slump comes when we find our lives complete transformed by illness. Unprepared for the effects of such on our lives we retreat and learn through our difficult path how very lonely and scary it can feel to have lost control of so much so soon.
Though we may not all find ourselves in such difficulties, we all manage to have stressors in our life that become weights we carry in our day. These manifest into our week and before we know it a month has passed and we are exhausted. It becomes habitual.
To break the habit we can begin with one important first step: Treating ourselves with compassion.
It may seem like a simple idea but for many of us especially during times of stress we can find this a big challenge. Maintaining a compassionate nature requires us to let go of the expectations we have of ourselves and wipe the board clean. Get rid of any left over residual negativity about what we may or may not have done to accomplish our goals.
Perhaps we can begin by focusing in on those few things that we have done that have been met with challenges and offer us a glimpse at our tenacious spirit. Acting compassionately may require us to transform our ideas as goals and ask ourselves whether they were realistic and supportive of ourselves. Perhaps we can now take a gentler approach to ourselves and see how we can transform these goals and use them differently, maybe more as a guide rather than a task.
If we find one to be particularly difficult for us to speak to ourselves with compassion, perhaps we may want to take an understanding that this meets our vulnerabilities and reflect on this.
I did this very thing myself this week. I felt the sense of neglect in writing this blog on time and it was a residue I was keeping close to my heart. I aim to have my blog out every other weekend at the same time and usually its met. But, this past week I just didn’t have the chance. Then I thought why? Is it because I am lazy? Did I do nothing for myself in the way of writing or reaching out to others? Was I neglectful of my goals and my interests?
At first these questions were statements, hardly kind and thoughtful. But when I took myself aside with compassion I saw just how much I had done in this week to support myself, my commitments and wonderful spirit by which I live and the efforts by which I create this blog came back to me with softness. I spoke from a place of understanding and this brought me to this place of peace from which I could reflect and write again.
Often we can find that we remain vigilant in our compassion towards others but refrain from directing this energy towards ourselves. We resist the urge to “self-love” and give ourselves the understanding we seek. Practicing saying words of affirmations, writing down or reading quotes or notes to oneself that speak to our truth are one form of “self-love” practice.
Perhaps its as simple as taking a pause to tune into others who offer us praise during our day and greet us with a smile that welcomes us and honors our spirit.
Taking a compassionate stand on how we relate to ourselves during times of difficulty is a practice in healing. When we take what we say, do and think to heart and remain mindful we can find our way through the hardships with a more gentle approach to living with difficulties.
Isn’t this really what we seek in the moment anyway? A road forward that gives us a guiding light in the dark to follow forward.
During the month of February, take the light of the sun with its beautiful amazing high point in the sky and intense rays as a reflection of your inner light. Remind yourself that even as the dark, dreary days of winter may bring us to find challenges in our personal and professional lives, the brightness is within us each day reaching forth to bring us a new opportunity to be more authentic in who we are through the eyes of compassion.
May you find yourself in a healthy renewal of self with compassion as your guide; a healthy practice we can all support in ourselves and with one another.
I purposely send this blog out to the world, as an expression of compassion- not on time and yet complete with my intention of truth and love and welcoming joy- good for you Safara 🙂
In health,
Safara
