Last week I spoke of communication and how we talk to ourselves. When I was very ill in bed one day I remember staring out my bedroom window and feeling so alone with my thoughts. They were dark and heavy and left me quietly awaiting relief from my present state of mind more so than the physical pains and discomforts that I was experiencing.
I felt trapped by my negativity and I was fully aware that this space I had entered into would take me further away from ever finding myself back to a place of hope. I had stopped meditating and the thought of approaching my meditation table and cushion which lay less than a foot from the bed seemed impossible.
I couldn’t get myself to find a place of serenity and peace of mind and it was scary. So I took myself to the bathroom, drew a bath and drowned my crowded head of negativity in the water and the sound of nothingness. I sat and cried, letting my tears dribble down my face, to my chest and fall into the pool of water as I held my head by one hand and felt the misery. When I got out of the tub, I put on a new pajama and crawled back into bed. I closed my eyes and slept. I felt better.
These moments were one of many that I have faced in the course of my life dealing with UC. The simple act of taking myself to the bath was what gave me a chance to let go of my thoughts and change the communication stream that was leading me to a negative state of mind and body. This was my way of comforting myself and I have always returned to water as a source of cleansing and healing. Sometimes I actually crouch down in the shower letting the shower head run along my back and head, or turn around and lay back in the tub while the water sprinkles on my face and belly.
When I draw baths for myself, I use essential oils to ease me along with some Epson salt and baking soda. Some of my favorites are lavender, eucalyptus, peppermint along with oils like jojoba, almond or olive oil. I rub my belly with the oils while I sit in the tub and use visual imagery to further soothe me. Music, incense, candles and any other form of comforting tools that relax you can be helpful. It can be your own cocoon of warmth and sanctuary of peace.
