Something I recently thought about was what the purpose of UC has been in my life thus far. When I was diagnosed with UC it was during a very pivotal moment in my life. I had just faced a threshold before me; the riverbank and the other side of it that filled me with the anticipation of what was to come and I was eager to get across.
I had a choice, I could stay on the banks of the river’s edge where I stood and wait for a sign or ask myself to follow my heart and find my way across the river with the knowledge that I had come this far and the rest would be left to discover when I got there. I took the decision with my heart in my hand and stepped into the waters. It was a bold and decisive decision and one I think could only have been made at that time and place in my life, at the age of 26. I entered the water to find it moving at a very fast pace in several directions. I was shivering and feeble ill prepared for the rapid current of the waters and with no clue about how to get to the other side with the resources I had.
My body said, “Take care of yourselfâ€, but I didn’t listen. I waved my arms and frantically got nowhere fast, eager to push against the current and come up for air.
My body said, “Trust yourself,†but I didn’t listen. I disregarded what my body was telling, and ended up stuck in the middle of the current, afraid, fatigued and began to slowly sink. I had ignored how weak my body felt when I entered the waters. I had not stopped to listen and focus on myself because I was too eager to get to the other side.
As I reflect on this moment, and others that have come when UC flares have arisen in my life, it has been during similar moments, standing once again at the river’s edge on the bank looking out across the waters filled with anticipation. I find myself now taking more careful steps as I approach the water’s edge, that is to say that I do not fear the waters, but rather find myself looking for clues from within for the right time to cross. I know now that my body is the root from which I must find my reason for crossing the river and the anticipated purpose I hold must begin with the confidence that it will enrich and further strengthen my health.
